On March 28, 2010 I will begin my trip to Washington D.C. for staging with the Peace Corps. From there I will travel with maybe 20-30 strangers, who I hope become my friends, to the Ukraine where we will begin our 3 month training program. There are a lot of unknowns. I don't know where I'll be in the Ukraine. I don't know anyone over there. I don't know anyone I'm going with. I don't know what my living situation will be. It can be overwhelming to think about all of this. God is so good though. I've had a few friends who have connections with people in the Ukraine. It's cool how connections can be made.
My job title is Youth Developer. I'll be working in a school teaching a few elective classes on HIV/AIDS prevention, drug and alcohol abuse and being proactive to avoid human trafficking. In addition I will be mentoring and creating extra-curricular activities after school. I also hope to work in an orphanage and will seek out other opportunities to serve in my community. I know that God has been preparing me for this and that my gifts lie in service. I also know that God has been wherever I am going for a long time before and He will be there far after I leave. Although the Peace Corps is not a faith based program, I am going with the knowledge and faith that I'm working for a bigger purpose than what we can offer here on earth. I pray for God to use me to glorify Him. My prayer for a long time has been from Isaiah, "Here am I. Send me." And so I go.
I am looking forward to the work and the opportunity to serve the people. I am intrigued by new cultures and am fascinated by Europe. I am looking forward to the challenges I will face and learning to speak Ukranian, Russian, or both. While watching the Olympics I was drawn to the Ukranian athletes. I wonder if I will meet any of them. Probably not, but it was good to hear and read the names. I wonder if I'll adopt or be given a Ukrainian name? I looked up a few and if they let me choose I like Anichka. It means grace. That's something I have been covered in.
This whole experience is pretty surreal right now. Things are moving so fast. I was placed less than two weeks ago and it feels like my world has been flipped upside down. It's definitely different to think about going than it has been to actually prepare to go. I feel unstable right now because I am between so many different emotions. Time seems like it's moving at a turbo pace, and I'm jealous of my time with the people I care about and am trying to use it wisely. Sleep can wait, right? I don't think I can spend enough time with everyone right now. It's going to be incredibly hard to get on that plane to D.C.
I quit both of my jobs. I'll be done on March 12. No more 'my girl Friday' and no more Banana Republic. I've worked there for just about 6 1/2 years. Crazy to think about. I've been at Paulsen Marketing for about 2 1/2. It's super bittersweet to leave my coworkers. They've been really good to me and I will miss them all. In the next few weeks I will move home and pack a few things to take with me. I'm sure my parents are thrilled to store all of my stuff from 26 years :) Thank you both so much!!!
It hurts to leave behind the people that I love. It hurts my heart to hear my mom cry over the phone and to know that she breaks down in Hy-Vee. It hurts to leave Jon. It hurts to leave my friends. It's going to be hard to leave my church body at The Crossing. They've become a second family to me. I'm not sure if I'll even have a church body where I'm at and that's something I would miss tremendously. It's extremely bittersweet. I don't have words to even describe the varying emotions and feelings I go through every day. I am comfortable here. But sometimes comfort invites us to be lazy too. Lazy in the urgency of the needs that surround us because we can pay attention to them tomorrow. Being intentional is something I'm constantly trying to work on. I think this experience will force me to be intentional in communication within relationships, in spending time with God, in finding opportunities to serve, and in so many other ways. God has given me comfort in a passage in James.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. - James 1:2-6
I don't know what to expect through this experience. It will probably be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I keep breaking the time down into smaller increments. Kind of like how I have to break a marathon down into 4 10Ks and then a couple glory miles to bring it home. I'm breaking this time down the same way. Six month increments. Only 4 of them and then a few months before I come home. I look forward to people visiting. I'm hoping to take along a video camera to record footage of where I am and do some video blogging. It's going to be hard, but some of the best things happen under extreme adversity and pressure. Diamonds and pearls are created under pressure. Okay, those are the only two examples that come to mind, but they are beautiful. This is going to be hard, but it's not forever. There is an end.
I want to end this post with a couple of things that my parents did or said that I think are adorable. When I found out where I was placed I left my parents a message letting them know it was the Ukraine. I left a message because I was on my way to a meeting and was calling my brothers too. I didn't want my parents to find out from my brothers should they talk before I'm done with the meeting. Anyways, I called my parents when I was leaving the meeting and my mom answered the phone. She started choking up when she heard my voice. I asked her how she was doing and she tearfully said, "Okay." Then she told me, "Em, I came out to the globe and I can't find where the Ukraine. Where is it at?" She's so precious.
My dad called last week on his way home from Brookings. He was all excited because he just bought a new laptop with a camera so that we can Skype and stay in touch through all the resources we have. He was really excited about it. I know that he'll be the rock for my mom when she's having tough days. I'm grateful for that. PTL! :)
Thank you everyone for your supporting and encouraging prayers, words and actions. It has meant the world to me. I don't know how people can do this without faith. I feel so connected to you all through the Father.
I'm so going to miss life here. I'm sad that I won't be here to celebrate weddings with some really dear friends. I'll miss my parents 30th wedding anniversary, my mom's 50th birthday, my dad's 60th birthday, possibly the break of my little brother in Nashville. I still want to be your manager Kyle ;) I will miss quality time, random game nights, goofy hangout sessions with friends. I will miss counseling at camp this summer. I will miss spending holidays with my family. I'll miss road trips, running, making Phad Thai, working on a puzzle for two months and face-to-face conversations with Jon. I'll miss ccs and coffee with Sara. I'll miss coffee and prayer time with Alyssa. I'll miss going to Sieff's rap concerts, and making videos at camp with this crazy and Alex, and watching 90s movies with these two and Jantina. I'll miss going to the Olive Garden with Charia. I'll miss Fit TV belly dancing with Karen. I'll miss working out with the gang at Endurance and training for races with friends. I'll miss The Crossing. I'll miss my life group. I'll miss running on the trails, going to Target, riding my bike, going to the lake...I know I'm leaving people out, but be assured that I will miss you! I'm going to miss so much. I could go on forever. I hope that this blog will help us to stay connected. I'll post as regularly as I can to keep you all up to date with what's going on. I would love to hear from you too. Please write me or email me at emily.sue.knutson@gmail.com or emknut@hotmail.com.
This experience is going to be a challenge, but I know that God is with me through it all. He keeps reminding me of the words in Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous? Do not be dismayed or discouraged for the Lord Your God is with you wherever you go." PTL for that!!! I have been praying about this for a long time. I know it will not be easy, but I also know that God will give me what I need day to day. It is with that humbling reality that I go.
