A Charlie Brown Christmas

“Christmas is coming but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.”

- Charlie Brown

This describes how I’ve felt this Christmas. It’s been a Charlie Brown Christmas for me. I knew it would be different when we sent my grandma to heaven on December 9. It was a challenge to go back to work and watch the world carry on as if nothing had changed, because for me it had.

I knew that Christmas would be here soon. I also knew that I wouldn’t be prepared for the consumer Christmas. I think it's weird to celebrate the birth of Christ with gifts for us. I wonder what Jesus would think if he was with my family during this time...

There were no decorations up in our apartment. There was no Christmas tree up at home. My dad fell and broke a couple of ribs the week after my grandma passed away, which left my mom and Kyle to do chores. Not leaving a lot of spare time for mom to put the tree up. We plugged in the lights around an artificial tree and placed the gifts underneath. Merry Christmas!

To make Christmas even Charlie Brownier I got the flu on Tuesday night and was sick until a couple of hours before the Christmas Eve Service. I stubbornly refused to miss that. It’s my favorite part of Christmas. I love singing Silent Night while everyone is holding his or her lit candles. It’s a reminder of the light that Jesus brings to our dark world. Although the candles are extinguished once the song ends I pray that the light of Christ in us illuminates everyday so that people will know Jesus. I’m reminded of the verse we used for baptism at home, “Let your light so shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven.”

After the service we came back to the farm to gorge ourselves with oyster stew, chili and grandma's famous brown-sugar cream pie. So delicious :) We then gathered in the family room to open gifts. My grandpa is in Arizona with my aunt and uncle, but he left Christmas cards for us kids before leaving. He gave us a very generous gift and a beautiful card. It breaks my heart to think of his heart breaking. This is the first Christmas, two weeks shy of 66 years, without grandma. Poor pumpkin.

The piles and piles of freshly fallen snow prevented us from going anywhere other than home for Christmas. No get together with the Knutson side. That was odd, but it is what it is. I enjoyed the forced time with my family. It forced all of us to not get caught up in the business of life. Especially around Christmas. A refreshing change.

Towards the end of A Charlie Brown Christmas, in frustration Charlie Brown yells, "Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?" Sweet Linus Van Pelt takes his baby blue blanket down from his mouth and says the following.

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

Linus then reassures Charlie saying, "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

I echo Linus this Christmas and pray that you were filled with the true joy of Christmas. The gift of Jesus Christ who humbly came as a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. May you continue to find joy and hope in the love He continues to give, the truth He brought, and the promise He has to reunite with us. Merry Christmas.

So gordo eden everdeen

Me with Grandma and Grandpa Owen on Christmas Day last year.

My great-grandma Hannah Stewart was 100% Swedish. My grandma grew up to her mother picking guitar and singing Swedish songs, and remembered the phrase, "So gordo eden everdeen" in particular. It means, "So goes it in this world." I feel this expression is appropriate for this post. It also holds a special place in my heart because I learned it from my grandma.

Last week I spent time laughing with my grandma on Monday, holding her hand on Tuesday, and humming Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art as I ran my fingers through her hair hours before she took her last breath on Wednesday. A bittersweet moment. Grandma was sleeping and peaceful. Her breaths quickly became more shallow and farther apart. I ran down to the cafeteria to grab my grandpa, uncle Doug, and my cousin's husband. We all rushed back to her room and watched as her breathing slowed and eventually she didn't take another. My cousin, Marisa, and I were hugging each other and weeping. It was odd to kiss grandma's cheek after that. I know that God has made our bodies to be a temple to house our souls here on earth, but how I love my grandma's temple. It was how I recognized her and how I will always remember her. It was a blessing to love her through the transition of life on earth into eternity where Jesus was ushering her to heaven. Grandma loved to dance back in the day and I know she is dancing in heaven.

I will always cherish this past Thanksgiving where my grandma and I sat by each other at the table and kept making each other laugh. The doctor said her heart was frail. I would say it was tender. She would openly cry during a pretty song, a sad story, or simply talking about family. I had the privilege of being with her on Monday night before she took a turn for the worst. Although her vitals were low she was extra lively that night. Full of jokes, laughter and she even played air piano and sang an original song for me..."Come home Emmy, come home." My favorite part of the night was when the nurse came in and tied the remote around her bed. The nurse told my grandma to push the big button if she needed help and a red light would turn on outside her room signaling for assistance. To which my grandma responded, "What? Is this the red light district? Tell them I'm not available." It's those moments of extreme wit that I will miss the most.

For a few years I have wanted to interview my grandparents with a recorder, but haven't gotten around to it yet. Shame on me and my mixed priorities. I love hearing my grandparents tell stories. One of my favorite stories about Grandma Owen is her theatrical debut in Elrod, SD. She was in a play with her cousins and a few other friends. The curtain opened and immediately my grandma lost it and started laughing. She couldn't quit. Her dad sternly yelled, "Sister!" (That's what he called her.) Yet, grandma could not stop laughing, nor could any of the other girls on stage. Soon the audience joined in the uproar. The curtains closed without a single word uttered and that was the show. I probably inherited my passion for the theatre from her :)

I used to think that death was justifiable by age. I now know that to not be true. My grandma would have been 87 on January 14. She was a part of my life just a few days short of 26 years. It's difficult to learn to live without someone you love who has always been there. I have very fond memories of staying with my grandparents in town during the winter Farm Show and in the summer at their lake home on Kampeska. My cousin Amber and I would share the upstairs room across from grandma & grandpa's at the lake, and we would share my mom's old bedroom in town. I remember eating my grandma's rice, brown sugar cream pie and cinnamon & raisin bread. She was always quick with a joke, would whistle songs, and loved to laugh. She would let me eat Ego waffles for breakfast and stay up late watching Married with Children. Totally not appropriate, but it made me feel special because mom and dad would never let me do that. She always had store bought molasses cookies on hand. My grandma passed down her long bony fingers to my mom and in turn they have been passed down to me. It reminds me of the scene in Beaches when the daughter, Victoria realizes she has the same hands as her mother. I have a picture of all our hand from a few years ago that is precious to me.

This past week has been tough to say the least. It was filled with tears, laughter and shared memories. I was blessed to be surrounded by family and go through the emotions and grieve together. Monday was tough. I wasn't ready to be back at work. It's odd to see the world going on as if nothing ever happened after I just experienced a life changing loss. The song Without You from Rent comes to mind. Right now it's not just day to day, but rather moment to moment with how I feel. I can be fine one moment and then crying in my car the next. With family getting together for Christmas next week it's just a constant reminder that Grandma Owen won't be there. She would have been 87 on January 14 and her and my grandpa would have celebrated their 66th anniversary on the 23rd of this month. There are very special dates that my family will always share with my grandma. My little brother, Kyle was born on her birthday, she passed away on my cousin's baby boy's birthday - December 9 and we said our official goodbye at her funeral on my birthday - December 13. She will always be remembered. Unintentionally, she made certain of that. Pictures of her keep surfacing in my mind and the memories continue to echo in my heart.

Thank you to my friends who have stopped to ask how I am doing, sent a card, and have lifted my family up in prayer. God has worked through each one of you to show me His love, comfort and peace. I am blessed by you all. I leave you with a passage that a friend shared with me.

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

God's Vessel

On my flight from Miami to Dallas I sat by a guy who has spent his life in the military. He was headed home from Trinidad. After seeing my passport he asked where I had been. I told him that my friends and I had been on a mission trip in Haiti and briefly described our work. He and the guy next to him felt convicted to tell me that they hadn't been to church in a long time. I asked him a little about why he had fallen away from church. He explained it to me, and then we were quiet for awhile and watched the video of safety instructions. He chuckled a bit and said, "That's funny." I asked him if he thought the video was funny, because I was not amused. He told me that he had chinese food at the airport and his fortune said, "God wants you." He thought it was ironic that he ends up sitting next to a missionary on the plane. This opened a huge door for some really great conversation. I had been praying for God to use me on the way home and He did. It feels great to be a vessel for God to use.

God is love

You've heard the saying, "home is where the heart is," right? What if your heart is scattered all over? I have left pieces in Mexico, Africa, New Orleans, the Rosebud Reservation, the streets of LA, and most recently Haiti. My heart breaks easily and I leave a good chunk of it where it breaks. It's nearly impossible to explain what I experienced in Haiti without taking you there, but I'll try.

This last trip to Haiti was completely different from last year where we spent almost all of our time in the walls of the orphanage tending to the 100 kids. This time we were in Ti Rivier working with Mission Haiti. We stayed at the orphanage, but were not contained inside the walls. We would hike between 1-3 hours up to schools in the mountains to tell the story of Noah's Ark, do crafts, hand out school supplies (a drawstring backpack, ruler, notebook and two pencils), and fit the kids with shoes and at one school clothing too. At the first school we also fed the kids a protein and vitamin rich rice lunch from Feed My Starving Children. I was constantly amazed at the patience of the children. There was a heaping plate of food in front of half the children, who most likely hadn't eaten since the day before at the earliest, and not a single one touched their food until everyone had been served and they prayed. I know adults who eat three meals a day who aren't that patient. Myself included.

While helping kids find new shoes I couldn't help but remember what a fun experience it was for me as a kid to go with my family to buy a new pair of shoes. Here, it was a game of simply finding a shoe that fits. If the colors match the gender of the kid that's a bonus. I hated that. I wanted them to have choices, but we didn't have the time to sort through all the shoes nor did we have a wide enough variety of shoes for anyone to be picky. I'll never forget the smiles on their faces after fitting them with a new pair. Pure joy. It melted my heart.

At the mountain school we handed out clothing as well. The school was packed. There were over 200 kids in a room a little smaller than an American classroom. At least the ones I've been in. We had to clear the kids out of the building to set up stations for clothing, shoes and school supplies. I can guarantee that not many kids I know would be so excited to receive a used ruler. My friend, Molly and I were in charge of the clothing station. We didn't have a wide variety of sizes. The majority of the clothing was for baby girls. The majority of the need was for boys and girls 2nd grade and up. We fit the kids that we could with the clothing we had, but we were forced to turn a lot of kids away because we didn't have anything that would fit them. The kids were wearing their best outfits that day. I fought back the tears as we had to tell kids with torn dresses and shirts that we didn't have anything for them. Thinking about it still makes me cry. Especially knowing that I have so many clothes that I don't have room for them all and these kids have one torn outfit that doesn't really fit them. The youth kids and the kids at the orphanage asked a very relevant question for them, "If God provides for us then why are there people in the mountains who are starving and don't have homes or clothing?" God's reply to me was, "Why do you have so much? I put you here to help and you're greedy." Touche God. Touche. I think we all to often blame God for the wrongs in this world when we should be looking in the mirror. These people don't have to starve or be naked. I can give them what I have. After all, God blessed me with it.

The professors at the school don't have a constant salary like we think of in the states. Pam would tell them, "When God blesses me, I will bless you." They accepted that. I've been hoarding God's blessings to serve myself. That's a harsh reality. Help me to bless others when You bless me.

We spent our afternoons and evenings with the kids at the orphanage and with the youth. They are all so precious. I really enjoyed getting to know them. I'm excited to see what this generation does for the people of Haiti. They are on fire for the Lord and have so much respect for what Pam teaches them during youth group and the bible stories she tells the kids at night. A lot of the youth kids were curious about how many countries we had been too. I felt guilty telling them because they have never traveled outside of Haiti and most likely never will. They're curious and love to learn. One of the youth kids asked me about the big houses in America. He wanted to know if there were people living in every room. If those home were in Haiti they would house a small village. In the states they most likely are a shelter for about two to five people with plenty of room to spare. Does that make you feel wasteful? ...me too.

Voodoo and witchcraft are very present in Haiti. While we were there Pam told us about a curse that was put on a lady in the mountains. She woke up the next morning paralyzed. The doctors said there was no medical reason for this. I know that God is BIG. He can move mountains. I can't help but think about what the world would be like if we, as Christians, had the kind of faith in God to perform miracles as some people have faith in witchcraft to curse others. God, give me the faith of a mustard seed to believe in Your power. I kept thinking that God is love and couldn't help but wonder what Haiti would be like if God was the center. About 200 years ago the president signed the land over to Satan and in 2004 the new president didn't get a chance to renew that contract. There have already been some really big changes with growth of vegetation and the Holy Spirit moving in incredible ways. It's exciting to see!

Our friend Patchouko would lead the kids in a couple of praise songs at the schools. There is no sweeter sound to me than listening to these kids sing with their whole heart. The kids at the orphanage would sing praise songs to us too. I'm certain that makes God smile. I wake up to the memory of them singing and the smiles on their faces. It brings me joy.

Being back to the daily grind is harsh. It's harder being back than it was dealing with the pain and brokenness we were exposed to. I can't help but feel that God was able to use me more in Haiti than behind a desk in the states. My passion and hearts desire has always been to help others. I love the freedom that life in Haiti brings. I'm not distracted by my cell phone, email or facebook. I'm not tempted to buy...stuff. I want to live a simple life, but am so easily distracted and sucked into the idea that I need a new outfit, gadget, etc. I loved walking everywhere...except for the 5 hour drive to the orphanage from Port au Prince. It's wasn't a luxury ride sitting on a board, leaning against wire and being caged into the back of a pick-up. Pretty sure my sit bones ripped through my skin and my back is still bruised, but I would do it all over again tomorrow, forever.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

- Micah 6:8

We have over 2,000 pics from our trip that we need to sort through. I'll post a few and some video once I it.

Lord, let your glory fall

This song is resounding in my heart and head today. Lord, you are good and your love endures!

Haiti or Bust

"Referring to the church as a building is like referring to people as two-by-fours." - Don Everts, Jesus with Dirty Feet

"We are not called to be successful but to be faithful." - Mother Teresa

"People always want to define you by what you do. I started saying, 'I'm not too concerned with what I am going to do. I am more interested in who I am becoming. I want to be a lover of God and people.'" - Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution

These are just a few quotes that are surfacing in my head as I prepare my heart for the brokenness it will surely endure this next week. In less that 36 hours I set out to Haiti with six other friends. I had the privilege of going to work at the orphanage, Children of the Promise in Haiti last June. This time we're going to be working in a different orphanage, on the opposite side of Haiti I was at last year, and traveling through the rural mountain communities teaching VBS and playing games.

We're there for a week and I know the time will fly by. I already am hesitant to return. If I could stay long term I definitely would. I'll update you on stories and let you know how God is moving in Haiti when we return. Please be praying for my friends and the people we will meet during this trip. Pray for obedience on our part, and for us to have the boldness and courage of Esther. Pray for relationships to be formed and for friendships to develop. Pray.

Friday Funnies

Here are a few of my favorite Michael Scott lines from The Office.

Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.

My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No no no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, barely spoke a word of English, but he came to me and said "Mr. Scott, will you be the godfather to my child?" Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.

The most sacred thing I do is care. And provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right, that’s what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um… yes. In a way. Yeah, like a specialist.

You may look around and see two groups here; white collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.

'Hug it out, bitch.' That is what men say to each other after a fight. They hug it out, in doing so they just let it go, and walk away, and they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however, I've found. Doesn't translate.

Society teaches us that, having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

What next?

For the past year and a half I have always had something to physically train for; triathlons, half-marathons and marathons. This is the first time I have finished a race and not had another on my plate. I thought it would be refreshing. It's not. I'm bored. I need to find a race to train for. I like goals. They motivate me to push myself. I look forward to the challenge of improving my time and willing my body to go on. The journey is the best part. Where you learn a lot about your character, have time to think or void your mind of all thought, and it's where I spend quality time with God. That's why I need a new race. I can't deny myself the journey, and although the race is extremely demanding the reward of finishing well covers all the pain.

Where's the magenta?

Sometimes I feel like a 64-color box of crayons in a world full of 8-color boxes too.

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!" - John Mayer

Thought for the day

Robert McKee said, "A Character is revealed by the decisions they make under pressure."

What does your character say about you?

Many the miles

Quads killing. IT band tightening. Feet on fire. People yelling, "You're almost there!" ...at mile 20. Fair enough, 6.2 miles is not as far as the past 20. BUT they are the longest 6.2 of your life. The marathon really begins at mile 20. That's when it truly becomes mind over matter. Everything hurts at that point, but the will to move forward and push through the pain is greater than the pain itself.

I've been asked, "what do you think about when you're running for that long?" Well, everything and nothing at all. During a marathon I like to dedicate each mile to someone special in my life and think about them and pray for them. It puts purpose behind my miles and gives me something to look forward to every mile.

The only hiccup I had during the Chicago Marathon happened at mile 22. I had been ahead of the 4:30 pacers until that point. I grabbed a banana took two steps and two bites and the pace group passed me by. Determined to not let this happen my internal thought was, "Heck NO!" I threw the banana to the side and ran. I caught up with them and was feeling as good as I could at that point. Then at mile 23 my hips locked up and I had half the stride I had before. I watched as the pace group continued on. My heart wanted to go so bad, but my body just wouldn't go. I knew that I would still be close to them so I didn't let that dishearten me. From mile 23 until the end I kept repeating in my head and my heart, "The joy if the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord is my strength." I knew that nothing was impossible and I would finish this. That I would set a new personal record for myself. That the joy of the Lord was my strength.

At mile 25 I let out everything I had left in me and I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I ran with determination. I ran with purpose. It felt great. Okay, it hurt, but through the pain God gave me joy and strength. I finished with no regrets. It was incredible. After crossing the line my thoughts were. Praise the Lord! I did it. Where's the water? Where are my friends? When's the next marathon because I think I can go faster?

It's bizarre that with your body so exhausted your thoughts go to when can I do this to myself again? A marathon is probably some kind of modern day torture in other countries, and I choose to put myself through it. It's the sickest addiction ever. I LOVE IT!

It's a spiritual journey. Learning endurance, perseverance, and joy through pain. Thousands of people gathered to encourage the runners. Thousands of runners beating their bodies and silently driving others forward. Friendships are formed when you have hours together to run. I love the first timers. I remember how special that was for me in January and I'm so proud of them for doing it!

This was a really special marathon because I ran with Sammy Wanjiru, 2008 Bejing Olympic Gold Medalist in the marathon. He set a new course record by one second. I have now officially ran a race with an olympian! How cool is that?! At the end of the race I feel kind of like a champion as I make the medal holders place mine around my neck. I love it ;) I could write about running and what the journey, both physically and spiritually, mean to me forever. But, I'll spare you and just say one more thing. I encourage you all to do something that scares you and seems impossible. There's joy in the journey and ultimate reward and satisfaction at the finish line.

I all to often hear people talk about how they would love to do a marathon, but they never could. YES YOU CAN! Take it one mile at a time. One of the ladies who ran with us said one year ago that she could never do this. It was hard for her to run around the block. And, now she's a marathoner. The only one telling those people no is the person in the mirror. Don't worry about everyone else's pace. Run YOUR race and enjoy the journey.

Running is the classical road to self-consciousness, self-awareness and self-reliance. Independence is the outstanding characteristic of a runner. He learns the harsh reality of his physical and spiritual limitations when he runs. He learns that personal commitment, sacrifice and determination are his only means to betterment. Runners get promoted only through self-conquest.

Noel Coward, English playwright, composer, and actor

A different breed

My friends and I are different. I think we always knew this, but around Halloween it really becomes obvious. Mean Girls says it best, "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

When you look for costumes online there is no denying that they are trying to be slutty. For example, Snow White is Naughty White Snow. This is where my friends are different. Sadly, the majority of American girls are dressed as sluts disguised as cops, firefighters, nurses, nuns, or disney princesses. My friends and I dress as Richard Simons, a box of Quaker Oats, a person from the Blue Man Group, Jared from Subway, the Golden Girls, Rafiki from The Lion King...

In conversations about what people are going to be for Halloween we tend to forget that most people don't think like us. We like the challenge of being creative. It would be funny if we went as a slutty cop one year because no one would expect it...at least if they knew us.

My challenge to people is to be creative this year! Be covered! And be safe!

God is soooo good!

This summer I have felt a huge urgency for prayer. God has placed a deep desire in my heart to be in constant and deep communication with Him at all times. The other night when I was running I almost fell to my knees on the side of the trails in Sioux Falls in adoration of God. He is so good! My eyes became filled with tears admiring the beauty He has placed all around. After my run I raised my legs against a tree outside of my apartment and was in awe of the detail God put into that one tree. He reminded me that He puts even more detail and care into His creation of us. I love what David wrote in Psalm 139.

Psalm 139: 1-18

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in - behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thought, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

I pray you know how much God loves you!

Last night at Life Group we were sharing some of what we see God doing within our body at The Crossing. There were four of us who have felt this urgency and deepened desire for prayer. I am amazed at how God has been speaking to us individually to unify us for His Kingdom.

On Tuesday night God was tugging at my heart to fast. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be fasting for. God has been commanding this from another friend at Life Group too. He has no idea what God specifically wants either. I ignored this yesterday because I wanted clarification and purpose behind it, but God reassured me to seek Him through this fast. In fact, that may be the purpose behind God's command to fast. Seek ME! Learn to live more in the Kingdom and less in the world. Store your treasure in ME not here on earth. You say I'm number one, but I want to see it in your life. As the country song goes, "A little less talk and a lot more action Em."

God is on the move and I want to join Him! I don't want his blessing to pass by. I need to live up to the expectation that Christ has of me and quit being okay, being okay. Praise God for disciplining me, for having grace and mercy on me, for restoring me, for instilling His desires in me over my selfish desires, for courage and strength, and for loving me through it all. Praise God!

During these seasons of change I see how obedient the trees are to let go of the life they knew this summer. They die to themselves. We see the colors of the leaves changing and see the beauty of the transformation. So, I ask why are we clenching onto the life we once knew? If only it was easier for us to be obedient like trees. To accept the change and transformation and find the beauty within it, rather than hesitate because we don't want to let go. We like the junk. It's comfortable. I find that the longer we hold onto the junk the harder it is to let it go and separate it from our lives. Why do we have such a tight grip on the trash in our lives? Lord, help us to let go and desperately seek after YOU and YOUR KINGDOM.

I want to be like Paul, who kept Christ as such a treasure that everything else lost in comparison.

20 Questions

This is not the typical 20 questions your mom would ask after you get home from school. I think they're great conversation starters and a great way to get to know people. Use them for your next road trip!

1. If you were God for a day, what would you do?
2. If you could be the parent of one famous person, who would you want it to be and why?
3. What was the last thing you regret buying?
4. If you had a chance to bring one person back from the dead, who would it be and why?
5. What three things you regret not learning to do?
6. If you had a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about any one thing you wished to know about yourself, life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
7. What's worse... having expectations that are too high, or having no expectations at all?
8. How do you know when you're in love?
9. What is the most important invention or innovation that has happened during your life-time?
10. How would you spend your ideal day?
11. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
12. What three adjectives might other people use to describe your personality?
13. Who would you choose to be shipwrecked on a desert island with?
14. What is your idea of a perfect romantic evening?
15. If you were to be remembered for one thing, what would you like it to be?
16. If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, whom would you question, and what would you ask them?
17. If you saw someone shoplifting, what would you do?
18. Is there anything you would willingly give your life for?
19. If you could re-live a day of your life again, which would it be and why?
20. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?

I have been blessed

by God's love

with an amazing family

with amazing friends

with the ability to run

with eyes to see God's beauty around me

with laughter

with a job

with an education

with opportunities to travel

with the kiss of the sun and the refreshing feeling of a cool breeze

with the Lord's joy as my strength

with freedom

with restoration

with coffee, ice cream and chocolate

with an active imagination

with people who challenge and encourage me

with clean water

with food to eat

with shelter...every day

with a car

with shoes on my feet

in more ways than I will every fully know

How has God blessed you?

“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy”

Psalm 126:3

You won't relent

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

This past Saturday, July 18th my friends and I ran the Okoboji Half-Marathon. It was a training run for Chicago this fall. The course was full of hills. We would run uphill and then it would be flat so there wasn't even the reward of going downhill on the other side, which made it a perfect training run. 

I started the run with my friend April, but a few miles in knew that I couldn't keep her pace for another 9-10 miles. I encouraged her to go on and rock the race while I stay behind. I didn't realize how much my pace has slowed down since running marathons. Anyways, I made a couple of friends a few feet behind me. This was their first half-marathon. It was so exciting for me to run this with them. One of the girls was cramping around mile six. I told her she had no choice but to finish and that I would drag her across the line rather than let her fall back. I call that tough love. She fought through the cramp and successfully finished! 

I've come to the realization that I'm a social runner. I know it's not a surprise. I think I could be faster if I put all my energy into the race, but I would rather mingle as I run. That's the fun of racing to me. We're all after the common goal of finishing. Let's enjoy the journey. 

Aside: I love to laugh and I have found the funniest running commercials. Go to www.runningsuperfans.com and click on the old film real to see the commercials. They're great!

Funny, funny, funny

If you were a PBS kid you will appreciate this. 

Lawrence Welk SNL style

It's funny because it's true

Last fall I stumbled upon a book in Urban Outfitters, Stuff White People Like. I think Urban Outfitters should be on the list. The full list is on the website. It's hilarious! I can't stop reading it. I think it would be a funny monologue style play. Check it out!

Book worm

For the longest time I avoided jumping on the Twilight wagon. I was not going to join the fad. A book about vampire love, really? It doesn't sound that great... I'm officially a hypocrite. I read and loved Twilight. I'm 25 and have a crush on the character Edward, and I know I'm not alone. How did this happen? I don't even know. I started reading, expecting to be disappointed. The opposite happened. I sacrificed sleep to read. Overdosed on coffee the next morning and afternoon. Ambitious to go home and do it all over again. Eager to read more. Now that I'm done with the first book I look forward to reading New Moon with hesitation. Knowing that it will take over my life and I will be disposed until finished.

 

Over the fourth I started to read My Sister's Keeper thinking it would not consume my time as much as Twilight had. Wrong. So very wrong. Medical conditions and law have always tugged at my heart. Jodi Picoult has an incredible gift with symbolism. The book is beautifully written. Each chapter is a different character's perspective, but they all melt together. It's insightful to have so many views of the family. There is a lot to think about as far as what would I do or how I would feel as the parent, the sick kid, the rebel brother or the daughter who was a designer baby. I'm not sure. Again, the symbolism that bonds these characters is beautiful. Especially with Brian's relation to Anna. 

Brian is the father and Anna is the designer baby, created to save her sister, Kate who has leukemia. Brian is a firefighter. Anna has never been given the option to not donate blood marrow for Kate and now she is expected to give her a kidney. Anna is suing her parents for medical emancipation. Basically the right to decide what happens to her body. Knowing that a kidney won't 'save' Kate forever. At one point when rescuing someone from a fire Brian says, "the safety of a rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim. Always." That line still resounds in my head. 

I know I'm not doing the book justice so please go and read it for yourself. 

Why can't I quit you Michael?

It's one of those moments that you will always remember. Where you were...What you were doing...How you felt. News that took the whole world by surprise. 

I first read about it on Twitter. The post read, "Apparently Michael Jackson had a cardiac arrest around 30 minutes ago." Not willing to let one post fully shake me I clicked on my cnn.com bookmark to get the real story. Only to find out it was true. I went back to Twitter to read, "MJ died." WHAT!?! Okay, that's so not funny. CNN says nothing about that. This person must have the wrong information. I seriously refreshed the CNN website every 15 seconds for a good 20 minutes and the headline hadn't changed from, Michael Jackson has cardiac arrest. I had to work at the mall after work. (Oh, the joy of being a poor 20 something.) I called my mom to have her check out the news stations and keep me updated. She called me back as I was just walking into Banana Republic. Telling me MJ had died. I was crushed. People at work thought something happened to a relative of mine. I reacted the same way when I heard Johnny Cash had died. 

To clarify, I did not agree or support all of Michael's personal life choices. But you have to admit, he was an incredible artist and entertainer. I remember trying to perfect his moves as a kid. Something I'm still working on. Who can forget the first time Michael did the moonwalk?! (Click here to see a montage of Michael's best dance moves. I've already watched it multiple times.)

After work that night I stayed up way too late watching CNN remember Michael. This has turned into an unhealthy obsession. I can't quite reading stories, watching the Jackson Five movie, watching people talk about it, listening to his music. I fear I've gone too far, but I can't quit...

Knutson aims for 2012 Olympics

17 year-old Dagny Knutson from Minot, ND

If you know me at all, you are completely aware of my  possible unhealthy obsession and fascination with the Olympic Games. For two weeks every other year, I squeeze in as much olympic viewing as I possibly can. Depriving myself of sleep, unable to focus at work, not able to concentrate on anything but what's happening at the games. I'm amazed at the talent and dedication of every athlete. Someday I would love to help with the Olympics. Even if it's picking up trash. I don't care. It would be awesome!

Now the unthinkable has happened. A Knutson is favored to compete in the 2012 Olympic Games in London! I'm stoked! She's from North Dakota and spells Knutson the same way I do. I think there's a chance that we're distant relatives...

You know I'm totally buying an Olympic jacket and embroidering 'Knutson' on the back for the 2012 games.

Ricola!

Welcome to Switzerland, where the men wear scandalously short shorts and, next to chocolate, rollerBLADES are the popular item.

With the exception of my layover in Amsterdam, I have never been to Europe. So, naturally that would be my next stop before coming home. My friends Misha and Ashley are ou pairs in Geneva. I had the joy of chilling with these ladies for a long weekend. 

I love my friends :)

I was greeted at the airport with an American flag and a sign with my name. It felt like a scene from a movie. I loved it! We hopped a train and then a bus to get to Misha's family's flat. I was completely confused and extremely grateful they knew what to do. I would have gotten lost for sure. After indulging in a delicious swiss yogurt we went to tour the city and grab some bread and fruit for our camping trip to Interlocken.

 

The Swiss love their chocolate, and for that, I love the Swiss.

Going from African prices to Switzerland prices was overwhelming. I constantly felt ripped off. Geneva is the 8th most expensive city in the world. Swaziland, may have been the most affordable country in the world. My train ticket from Geneva to Interlocken was $65. One way. That's more money than I spent for a weeks worth of travel in Swaziland. Yikes! 

On the train we saw Swiss country. It was beautiful! The adorable country cottages beckoned me to move in. I was captivated by the Swiss Alps. There were cattle with the stereotypical Swiss bell. I could even hear the faint echo of a true Swiss yelling, "Ricola!" 

We sat by a group of rugby players on the train from Geneva to Interlaken. They were a rambunctious group...I'll leave it at that. It was about 10:30 or so when we arrived in Interlaken. After traveling for 24 hours I was extremely tired. We camped by the lake. In a boy scout tent. I didn't have a blanket so I layered my clothes and used Misha's towel. I woke up freezing in the middle of the night. Just in case you didn't know, a towel is not as warm as a blanket and not recommended for cover when camping. But, you make due with what you have. Plus the view we woke up to see was remarkable. So, it was worth a few chills. 

I could wake up to this view everyday.

That day we made our way to Outdoor Interlaken to sign up for the canyoning adventure...yay! We also signed up for white-water rafting. It was a packaged deal, but no one had to twist my arm. I was up for any adventure I could afford. I desperately want to go back for skydiving, para-gliding and hang-gliding. Not in my budget this trip. 

Repelling off a rock and then swinging around to the other side. SO FUN!!!

Canyoning was an adrenaline junkies dream! Our group of 12 went cliff jumping, repelling, floating through the Swiss Alps. I had to remind myself to take a moment to absorb the beauty encompassing us as I quickly became enthralled with the excitement of throwing my body into the raging river. I became a kid again and for three hours had no fear. With one foot in front of the other I would leap into the water with the faith that I would resurface. I know with a lifejacket it doesn't sound like much of a leap of faith, but with the fighting current it definitely was.

We barely had time to get back before we left site again for white-water rafting. The guide placed me in the front with the other experienced guide. Hey, I can't help it if I have bulging biceps. Misha and I were in the same raft with another family that was hilarious. The dad didn't like to paddle. I placed bets that he would be the first to be ejected from the raft on a rough rapid. To my surprise he did not fall out. He was a bubbly man and the family was a joy to ride with. I do wish that we would have forged some more extreme rapids, but it was still a great adventure. We ended by moving the raft from the river to the lake. Our guide allowed us to swim the last 100M in to shore if we desired. Of course, Misha and I rolled into the water. It was warm and Caribbean blue. A fantastic way to end the day of our tour with Outdoor Interlaken.

We took a train back to Geneva later that night. The next day was mine to adventure the city. I got lost a few times, talked with some street vendors, tried on a few over-priced dresses and soaked up the sun and the city. I sat in the park by the boardwalk and journaled. It was perfect. I was asked to help a camera crew out with a video shoot, but with my lack of French wasn't able to do so. Later that day I went back to the flat to meet Misha. We met up with some of their friends that night and toured some more of the city. It's very chic and expensive. The parks are fabulous and I love the cobblestone streets in Old Town. Very charming. 

Tuesday morning I got up and went for a run in a nearby park. People don't greet one another in Geneva. I come from the midwest. We say hi to anything that moves. So, naturally I greeted everyone I passed with a smile and a bonjour. Many people we surprised to be greeted by a stranger, but they returned the gesture. By my last lap in the park I had a fan club. I felt like a local celebrity as I ran past an elderly man on a bench who would stand up, clap, and with a wide grin say something in french. Honestly, he could have been saying some really offensive and obscene things to me and I wouldn't know the difference. But, I like to think of him as my fan club for the morning. 

Misha, Peter and I in France!

After my run I helped Misha clean the flat and then we went to tour the United Nations. I have a lot of respect for the UN and all they are involved in. The tour turned out to be full of information on the building rather than current projects and outreaches, which is what I was hoping for. Afterwards, we took a bus to France. Now I've been to two countries in Europe! We met a friend from the UK as we waited in line for the bus. Peter, works at the UN but lives with a family in France for now. It was a joy to talk to him. His accent was fabulous. I doubt he thought the same of ours. 

We made it back to Misha's flat in time to have supper with her family. They are wonderful people and extremely hospitable. Dinner with the Swiss is an all night commitment. It lasted three hours. I guess the joke is that you can pick out the Americans because the eat fast and greet everyone. I don't think I eat fast, but I know I eat at a more intense rate than three hours per meal. And, I do greet everyone. Guess I'm an American.

After dinner we were on our way to meet Ashley when we found a lost German wandering the rainy streets of residential Geneva in search of a hotel. "Sprechan Sie Deutsch?," asked the wandering German. Translated, "Do you speak German?" I did take one year of German in high school. More for the social aspect than anything. I remember the phrase he asked, how to count to ten and how to say, 'out of here,' and 'dance.' I had a hunch that wouldn't be helpful in this situation. We wandered the streets with him desperately trying to find him a hotel. We found him a room at a rate of $850/night. Welcome to the 6th most expensive city in the world folks. The hotel clerk was very helpful and called a taxi and gave him directions to a more affordable hotel. 

Ashley, myself and Misha at the pub.

After this adventure we three girls roamed the streets and stumbled upon a pub with a dance party. We decided to join. There were only six of us. It was a blast! Like our own personal dance party. A fabulous way to end my stay in Europe.

A few videos of Africa

These are the male warriors doing their high-kicks, which are a symbol of strength. Their defined leg muscles were also a sign of strength. 

I could listen to them sing all day! The last drummer at the end kept flexing his pecs, which just made me laugh.

I don't know why they picked one of the most unrhythmic girls in the crowd to dance, but here I am. I do love the other girl dancing next to me. So cute!

Hello, my name is Tanzile Sibanze

Karate kid in Jaci's backyard. 

Until I sat down in my seat on the plane, Africa had only been a dream of mine. 25 is my year of do, remember? Why not make Africa a reality as well? And Europe?

I had reserved window seats on the plane for the entire trip. However, this was put to a stop as I boarded my plane from Minneapolis to Amsterdam where a girl was sitting in seat J. The window seat. My window seat. I didn't know what to say without being rude. Not sure why I was concerned about that, especially since she didn't seem to care. Anyways, before I could even say anything she opened her mouth and said, "It's okay if I sit by the window, right? I have health issues." I smiled and let the lie, "Yeah, that's fine!" slip out of my mouth. Wondering why you would want to be as far away from the flight attendant as possible if you really have health issues? Fair question, right? During the flight Veronica, the seat culprit from Russia, managed to powder her face and file her nails every couple of hours. In my head I was saying to her, "Girlfriend, if you're health issues are oversized pours and bad nail beds - get over it!" I bit my tongue so this would not actually slip out...

On the plane we each had our own personal screen to view movies, tv, play games, etc. They were all newer movies that I hadn't seen yet, but were on my list. Yeah buddy! I don't have to pay to rent them now. (I'm not Dutch, but that thought made me feel it.) I started with Marley and Me. Love, love, loved it! Reminded me of Lady. Our family dog. We had her for about 13 years and she was my favorite :) I laughed out loud and then at the end u-g-l-y cried for about 20 minutes. Chin quivering, flood of tears and I need to blow my nose ugly cry. People must have thought I was bipolar switching moods with such ease. Probably not the best movie to watch by yourself in a sea of strangers. It made me unwillingly vulnerable.

I became restless sitting for so long. When I went to the toilet I did wall sits while waiting in line to shrug off some of the sloth-likeness I was feeling. We finally landed in Amsterdam. Home to tulips, clogs and ancestors of most of my friends from Northwest Iowa. I grabbed a latte the size of shot-glass, wrote in my journal, and managed to spill half the latte on my sweatshirt as I walked around the shops. Found my favorite raspberry/blackberry candy - yay! A special treat for Jaci and I in the bush of Africa. 

The flight to Africa was forever long. I slept a lot and would wake up to more food on my tray. They must think we work up quite the appetite sitting for 12 hours? I indulged in every meal though and was pleasantly surprised at the slightly better than school cafeteria quality. Finally we were in Johannesburg! After going through customs and retrieving my luggage I made the mile long walk to the exit to be greeted by Jaci and her friend Jennifer. Yay! We hopped in a car with their friends Jonus and Andrew and were off to the backpackers for the night.

Welcome to Gemini. AKA sketchville. We passed a few sketch guys in the lounge area on our way to the large bedroom where we strategically selected the beds farthest away from the door and closest to each other. Just as we were about to go to bed one of the guys from the lounge came in, laid down on the bed perpendicular to ours, facing us, with eyes open. Ahhhhh! Creep-o! I immediately lost it and began to laugh uncontrollably. Creep-o eventually realized that we knew he was staring at us, shut his eyes and then opened only one. Ha, ha, ha. Less obvious, right? I crawled into bed, tennis shoes on, pursed clutched to my chest, and tucked in the blanket around me. Then he spoke, "Is it okay if I turn out the lights?" Internally I was screaming NOOOOO! Jaci and Jen said nothing. I managed to squeak out, "Sure...?" We woke up that morning to him still staring at us. Needless to say, we won't be going back.

Our beds at Gemini. I went in to take this picture and walked around the corner with my camera out only to find the creeper, from the night before, changing. Who's the creeper now? Ha, ha, ha.

The manager of Gemini took us to the bus/koombie stop where we hopped on the first koombie to Manzini, Swaziland. (A koombie is like a fifteen passenger van with bus seats and at least 20 people.) The scenery outside of Johannesburg gave me flashbacks to the prairie back home in South Dakota. Corn fields, rolling plains, and cattle. Where am I again? Not what I expected to see I guess. As our journey to Swaziland continued the scenery began to look more like what I expected out of Africa. Swaziland itself is beautiful! Mountains galore, red dirt, and green trees and grass. I eventually spotted the typical 'African tree.' A sight for sore eyes :)

We ended our journey for the day in Manzini, Swaziland where we stayed with some of Jaci and Jen's friends who work at a local school.  Jaci and I wandered around Manzini and picked up dinner at Nando's, a popular place to eat in South Africa and Swaziland. We brought the food back to the room where we had a picnic on the tile floor and I had my first taste of life without electricity. The dorm usually has electricity, but there was a shortage somewhere in town. Luckily we had candles. There was a talent show by candlelight. Bernard played the guitar and sang, Shane played the flute to a few Irish jigs, and Jaci played the guitar and sang. She's really talented! Jen and I were left with nothing to show. She does yoga and I run. Give us a rug and treadmill or open road and we'll go. Neither one was available so we were left with no talent to show. Later that night we went out for dessert. Jaci and I ordered a fruit and ice cream treat, which turned out to be a half can of fruit cocktail for us both with a cherry pulled out from the syrup and put on top of the ice cream. Not quite what we had in mind.

On Monday morning we were off to the game reserve, Hlane! The huge disadvantage of being white is that we were constantly assumed to be wealthy. We would be a disappointment to all who assumed this. The taxi driver was the first. He wanted us to pay double (400 Rand) what we should have to pay to get to Hlane. Jaci was able to talk him down to 250 Rand, which was still too much but we needed some way to get there. 

Once at the game reserve we had some time to kill before the next game hunt. (We didn't actually kill any animals. It's called a hunt because we're hunting to see them. No animal is a guaranteed find.) So, we decided to have breakfast. Our waiter was hilarious. He was like a nervous school boy and at one point he literally leaped from our table, in the middle of our ordering, to the only other table to be served. We ordered some tap water and his response was, "Uh, I wouldn't drink that. It's kinda dirty. Yeah, dirty." Well, thanks for being honest...ha, ha, ha.

Nala. She ages well.

It was finally time for our safari! We loaded into the packed jeep with two other people and were off with our tour guide Johanas, who had the best laugh ever! Our eyes were wide, alert to any possible movement, and then there it was. There she was. Queen of the jungle. A female lion. Beautiful! So powerful and courageous. She walked right along the jeep. Jaci and I were jumping from the front to the back to capture the perfect picture of this incredible creature in motion. Of course, she was not alone. Through the bush we saw a golden mane. Say it ain't so! But it was Aslon himself. Beautiful! He strode out of the bush with ease and with a gate as smooth as butter he went after his female counterpart. We were freaking out like teen girls at a Jonus Brother's concert. Pinching ourselves to make sure it's real. 

No frickin' way! An elephant feet away from the jeep!

Next we spotted one of my favorites, an elephant! It was a lone male. Forced out of the herd because of age and strength, or lack thereof. Elephants actually eat the bark and leaves of the trees, which is what this guy was doing. That's 20% of their diet and the other 80% is grass for vegetation. I can't imagine how much an animal of that volume has to consume on a daily basis! I'm sure it would put Michael Phelps' diet to shame.

Is this real? Yes, yes it is.

On our way down the road we saw a flock of vultures perched in the iconic bare, elephant devoured tree. Reminded me of a scene from The Jungle Book. They are freaky looking creatures, yet captivating in the oddest way. As we crossed into another section of the reserve we came across a herd of white rhinoceros. They are incredibly powerful, stout, solid beasts with birds seated on their backs to eat the ticks. I absolutely loved watching each of the animals enjoying themselves in their natural habitat. It breaks my heart a little to see them in a zoo behind bars, not able to freely roam. Maybe that's because I never want to feel caged up  or too permanent either.

Johanas, our tour guide.

We never found the zebras or giraffes. I would have loved to see them both, but was grateful for what we were able to see. A sneak peak into the life of wild animals :) Before we left Hlane we did see a hippopotamus submerged in the water-hole. It was ginormous! They are the most dangerous animal so we didn't dare cross the fence for a better view. Even with our orange belts in karate.

Check out those impressive hitchhiking waves. Surely somebody will stop, right?

Once we were back to the main highway we began waving our hands in an unsuccessful attempt to hitch a ride back to Manzini. And then Cindy from Johannesburg pulled to the side to give us a lift. She was our angel for the day! A very bright woman. Highly educated on politics, history and marketing. I felt like an American idiot. The conversation stirred a desire in me to learn more about our political history. Something I've never had a desire to do.

Stranded on the side of the road at night. In Africa. Great, we're probably going to be eaten by a lion or something...

The trip to New Haven from Manzini was an adventure in itself. We barely caught a bus that took us most of the way. We were dropped off about 10-12 miles from New Haven. It was pitch black now. With luggage in hand we found a kind man who let us hop in the back of his pick-up, which we weighed down. He told us it would be very dangerous with the bed of the pick-up practically rubbing against the tires. Yet he drove on, slowly. We felt like we had broken out of fat camp. He was able to take us part of the way and dropped us off four miles from Jaci's home. Four miles uphill. We didn't want to walk so we waited for the next sign of headlights coming up the hill and tried to hitch a ride. Denied. Then we struck gold. A koombie and a truck stopped for us. The truck offered to take us. It was a free ride so we grabbed our luggage, ran and hopped in the bed. Once in New Haven we still had a 20 minute walk down the road less traveled with rolling luggage and barking dogs. But, we made it to Jaci's hut! The electricity was out, but at least we were home :) I need to point out how good God is! He brought us home safely! PTL!

This is Jaci's castle on a hill.

Of course, the electricity was not working so we lit some candles. It was a lot colder than I thought it would be. Jaci's brothers came over once the electricity was working. They love music. Especially Jordan Sparks. If she only knew how popular she was in Swaziland. They play her music everywhere. It's comical to be riding public transportation in Africa and hear Snoop Dog, Jordan Sparks, Rihanna, Chris Brown, and other American favorites on the radio. Ha, ha, ha. 

We ended our nights in New Haven with Hot Chocolate and a theatre presentation by laptop. One night we may have eaten a whole tub of popcorn, a box of carmel corn, and a bag of chocolates...minus the turkish delights - barf!

I love this picture of Jaci carrying back the water!

During the day Jaci introduced me to a lot of the people that she works with in her community. We went to the HIV/AIDS clinic she volunteers at, the umpaghatzi (where they have town meetings), the bible school, and road tripped throughout Swaziland. Jaci's family adopted me and gave me the Swazi name Tanzile Sibanze. Sinbanze is their sir name. One morning we were going to try and go to another game reserve to see the animals we missed on Monday. It was a three hour koombie ride to Matata only to find out that the reserve had closed that weekend. The guys at the bus stop kept trying to tell us that while Jaci was calling the reserve. We would walk away, and they would send the one man dressed in traditional attire to talk to us. Like we're going to listen to him just because he's in traditional attire? It was funny. Since we were in town we hit up the local coffee shop to gorge ourselves with mochas, a waffle topped with ice cream, omelets, and toast. We were also able to use an actual flushing toilet. It was the cleanest bathroom in Swaziland and we were able to use it for the low price of 2 rand! After breakfast and a pit-stop we caught the 11:00 koombie back to New Haven. Six hours for breakfast. Ha, ha, ha :)

Playing a game with the women at the umpaghatzi.

On the koombie, one of the guys was asking how he can marry an American woman. In Swaziland they buy women with cattle. 17 to be exact. We told him it's probably not worth it. An American woman costs 5,000 cattle per year and she can say no if you ask her to marry you. I don't speak or understand Si-Swati, but I know that was the talk of the koombie. We would hear them banter and say 5,000 frequently. Jaci and I silently chuckled. It was too funny to ever tell them the truth.

I was drilled when leaving the Bible School. As we were leaving one of the guys started asking really deep, personal questions. What do you want to do with your life in the next five years? When do you want to get married? Are you getting too old? Wow! Too far buddy. These were just a few of the more personal questions asked. I didn't know how to respond. I'm not even sure what I'm doing tomorrow. Jaci said he did the same thing to her when they first met too. I unsuccessfully tried to change the subject.

Some of Jaci's family. How cute are they?

We took a couple small hikes around Jaci's hut. One to the garden with the kids.  I tried to eat sugar cane. It was like chewing on green bark. Not a fan. We went to fetch water and the neighbor gave us some of her clean water on our way to the river. We also hiked to the rocky cliffs behind Jaci's hut. It was beautiful. That's where we ended up doing an extensive karate kid photo shoot. At night we would see who could jump up and touch the ceiling, do a running back-flip off the wall, or who had the best soccer skills. There was never a dull moment.

The male warriors doing a chant.

On my last day we went to a cultural village by Mbabane, the capitol of Swaziland. The group danced and sang. It was really cool. I love the African songs and the beating of the drums. It's so beautiful and refreshing. On our tour of the village our guide had us role-play. I ended up being the second wife to the guy from Brazil. I had to kneel down to talk to him. I also was scolded before the tour even began for talking. It's like a flashback to elementary. I've never been the silent kid in the room. The guide had us put on some of the traditional clothing and made Jaci the photographer while he posed in the pictures. So weird. 

Eating beans and corn-maze at the cultural village.

Jaci and I by the creek at the village where Jaci was told by a man that he was going to guteka her. (Ask me what it means if you're curious.) I pretended to be Scottish, which completely backfired since a woman in the group had just been to Scotland. Thankfully she didn't ask questions about my 'homeland.' Anyways, I told the guy he would have to get past her soon to be Scottish husband first. Jaci has a prearranged marriage. Guteka if you dare, but I wouldn't!

It was extremely difficult to leave the next morning. Jaci took me to the koombie. We had to just walk away from each other before the tears started. I squeezed into the back-seat. All four of us crammed in with scrunched shoulders and sweat running down my back and front. Let the journey back to Johannesburg begin! Only four and a half hours of this. The driver dropped me off at the airport so I didn't have to worry about taking an overpriced taxi from the bus station. 

Africa was incredible. It was an enlightening trip to say the least. I cannot wait to go back. My heart was broken and my eyes were opened to a new world. Thoughts of what I can do to help keep racing through my mind. How do we stop the habits of an entire country and continent? How can we teach self-worth and respect? How do we show them how to truly love? How did they show me how to truly love? What are their greatest needs? What can I live without? Why am I so blessed? What if the roles were reversed? God taught me so much in one week and continues to challenge me with what I saw and learned. There are so many questions I'm wrestling with. My desire to go back deepens every day I'm away.

This is just an appetizer of what I tasted and experienced in Africa. 

*Bonus* Click here for a video tour of Jaci's hut!

Refreshed

Unlike most people, I really enjoy a rainy day or two. It's refreshing to me. Feels like I'm someplace new and exciting. Like Seattle. My mind paints the mountains and ocean in the background. I travel new places daily this way and don't leave my carbon footprint. It's good for everyone. 

The grass is crayola green today. Flowers are blooming. Trees are blossoming. It's beautiful.My My spirit is refreshed. Reminds me of God's love and faithfulness. His mercies are new everyday. The trees are faithful to the hope that they will bud again. Nature is so obedient. I want to have that kind of faithful obedience. It's too easy to be distracted by all the 'things' the world throws at me. Pretty sure I have the attention span of an ant. 

At life group last night we were sharing times when we really felt God's presence through scripture. He is forever faithful and good. When I am rooted in the word God uses it to speak truth into my life and remind me He is all I need. I find clarity about questions I wrestle with and challenged to act. 

I've had some really amazing conversations with friends lately. How do we truly love? How do I know God is speaking to me? What am I supposed to be doing with the gifts He has given me? Where am I supposed to be? Am I too content? Restless? Selfish? (Yes.) Such great frustrations to talk about. It instills a holy rage in my heart.

What are you wrestling with? 

Aside: PTL! My peroneal tendon isn't torn, just strained. I don't need a boot. Just a brace. Doc said I can run the marathon :) Yay!